Its getting better

Im doing pretty good, I guess, it could be better but im just happy that i woke up this morning. I just wish that these people that wants to start drama all the time would just go away. By next year most of them will not be here, one is going to another state, one is geting locked up again and the other is supose to be going to another school. I cant wait untill they all leave and i dont have to deal with their drama anymore, life will just be a lot easier on me and other people.

Its goin to be okay

Im slowly but surely going to let go. I have been told that i will be okay and better off with out them, that i can go a lot fother without them being right there with me. I have notice that i am better off on my own, that i am doing better in most of my classes and i actually pay attention to the teacher. I am proud of myself and glade that i am doing better and not soo stressed out about the drama.

Stupid

I feel like its all my fault, him getting sent away, for believing him, for trusting that he still cared, for letting him in my life. He thinks that im the one that told on him, the one that got him in trouble. I didnt say a thing, i still care for him and dont want to see him have to go. In a way i kinda feel stupid for thinking that things can change and we can work things out. Same for me and James, he said that he still really really cares for me and jsut wants to be with me. But i have to find out from other people that he doesnt want anything to do with me and wants me to just stay away and that he doesnt ever want to see me ever again. I really cant deal with these dang people anymore, they say one thing to you but then behind your back they say something ealse. They really are pissing me off and i just want to tell them to F off.

If only....

If only my parents only knew what has all happened. Im not able to talk to them like i should be able to, they flip out when something happens and they dont like it. If something doesnt go their way they like go bulistic on you, or in my case they threaten to send you away. If they found out that i still have anything to do with him they would kill both of us, if they knew what me and him has done.....YEA we sure in the heck would not be here. They dont understand that we still love each other and we are not welling to give up on what we have or had yet. And we dont plan on doing it even they want us too. I really wanna say i dont care any more that they can just leave me and him alone just let us be together and just deal with it.

What was I thinking????

What was I thinking......why did i even let that run through my head. He promised that he wouldnt leave me if he gets it but i dont know if i need to believe him. He said the same thing to one of my friends but now they dont want much to do with each other. They run around sometimes acting like nothin ever happened with them. I'm just really scared that he is going to do that to me but if thats what he really wants then why would he stay for almost a year and not get any. Me and James finally broke up and it didnt end very well, my mom thought she had to get in the middle of it and stop it. We both agreed that we are better off just friends then anything, well of course i had to be a smart butt and said that the only reason he was doing this is because of his baby momma. Well thats how we both got into a big fight about everything, but by the end of the hole fight we both said that we atleast still wanted to be friends and not totally be out of eachothers life.

BOYS!!!!

Im really tired of haveing to deal with their attudes, they run around here thinking that they are cool and can do whatever they want, whenever they want. So my boyfriend promised me that he would come over since it was Valentine day and because we havnt seen eachother for a whaile but he desides that something else was more important then comeing to see me. He probley went to see his baby momma "MOLLY"!! I really think that he is messing around with her again, he acts like he doesnt wonna be with me anymore but when i talk to him or someone else talks to him. He says that he really likes me and wants to be with me, that he doesnt plan on ever breaking up with me. But i dont know how much more i can take with this crap, i havent seen him for a week havent talked to him since Friday and its FREAKIN TUESDAY!!!! Im kinda not too worried about it but in a way i do. All im really consurned about right now is getting things fixed with me and JJ. We have been talking for a little whaile and we still really, really care for each other and just want to be with each other. We talked about how when we was trying to move on and see other people it didnt seem right, that the hole time we was with someone else that all we could think about was each other. I really hope that this time it would work out and that we can get all the crap strighted out. But the problem is that my parents dont like him and dont trust him any more. Espically after the hole thing a week before Thanksgiving break happened. I guess it well just take a step at a time to get all this fixed and figured out.

OMG the week break

I can not belive that we had like a week break, it was kinda of stupid to me but then i kinda of liked it cuz i got to sleep in and sleep the days away. I didnt do very much but cleaned and slept, i was goin to hang with my boyfriend but he was bessy working and he had a tournament to go to. Saturday my mom and step dad went out and i had to stay with one of my moms friend cuz they was afired that i would throw a party or something. Saturday night i hung out with a friend for a lil whaile, it was kinda easy cuz he lived right down the road. Sunday when Ashley and baba and the boys went to church i got up and walked down the road to meet him again. I watched him clean his truck for a lil bit then i talked him into goin in the house to hang because it was really boaring just seating there. We went in the house to his dads room and hung out there and watched a movie for about 15 mins and then him and his dad started to smoke. He tried to get me to do it but i really didnt want to, so i told him that i really had to go before they showed up and im not there. Well we got up and he walked me back to the house and we talked about what we use to have and us being together again but i dont know. We talked about working things out and see how things go but we are only taking in a step at a time.